There’s something to be said about a person’s ability to stay. I’ve always been someone who runs away when things get tough, when they don’t work out as expected, or when it all fails. But over the last 12 months my greatest achievement has been staying in Australia and working through all of the feelings and hardships that I’ve faced alone and in my partnership.
I’ve fought the urge to move back to the States a few times over my last two years of being overseas. Those urges were usually triggered by some uncomfortable feeling or a situation that didn’t work out but I was able to stop myself mid-way through the feelings process and stay .
Sometimes staying is the hardest part.
The Australian and I celebrated our one year anniversary the other day and it had me thinking a lot about where I was then and where I am now. I thought about how I wasn’t quite emotionally ready for a relationship back then but I decided to pursue one anyway because I finally felt something for someone that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. I thought about how quickly our partnership has blossomed in such a short amount of time – taking an overseas holiday together, moving in together, and going on two interstate trips together – and he’s still the best part of every day. I thought a lot about commitment, love and sacrifice and the importance of communication in every relationship – romantic or platonic – because even the best relationships will fail if the partners don’t communicate effectively to each other.
I used to think that walking away makes you stronger. I suppose a part of me still believes in walking away because there was a time last year when I forced myself to do the same. However, I’m starting to believe more in my ability to stay and fight through the hard things because when you fight through those hard things, it makes the good things taste so much sweeter.
Somehow, over the last 12 months, I found a way to stay. I worked through all of the feelings and discomfort and stayed. It wasn’t easy, and there were certainly moments when I wanted to throw in the towel and move back to the U.S., but I know now that sometimes staying is better than walking away.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s a fine line between strength and weakness. Strength comes from knowing when to stay & work things out and when to move on.
I totes agree, Pham.
Thanks so much for sharing this. This is whatI have been struggling with and finally have been coming to terms with lately. It’s so easy to go… so, so, easy. But sometimes the best lessons come from staying.
Also, lately I’ve been thinking about this: I love to travel and see new places, but those places have been created in large part by the people who stay. Who love it. Who are loyal to a place. It doesn’t mean I won’t ever travel again (oh, far from it), but that there’s also power in staying and much to learn from one’s stationary environment. Different lessons.
I think there’s a fine line between knowing when to stay and when to walk away. It’s different for everyone and I’m not at liberty to give any advice on when someone should do either in any given situation. Many of my lessons have been learnt from staying in Australia, in addition to my decisions to leave the U.S. and walking away from other situations. Perhaps the toughest part in all of it is deciding when to stay or walk away.